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: Dear Tech support: : Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the : new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software. : Severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that : operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was : included in the product brochure. : In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as : DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, : undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 : and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably : crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 : or HouseCleaning 2.6. : I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose : utility is of limited effectiveness. : Can you help please?!?! : Jane : Dear Jane: : This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due to a : primary misconception. : Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that : Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. : However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator : to run as few applications as possible. : Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0 , because : Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. : Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to : emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, : delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. : Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 : has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part : of Husband 1.0. : In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to : get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend : 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than : encountered with Husband 1.0. : Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support". : You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with : HeartBreak 1.3. : I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange : and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also : suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults : (GPFs). This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by : the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. : Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, : regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command : "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME" : Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. : Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and : Flowers/Chocolates 7.8. : TECH TIP! : Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more : serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\>I APOLOGIZE command : before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause : Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, Beer 6.0. : Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly : files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete. : Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip! : Just remember: : The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because : of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications : Boyfriend 5.0 ran. : Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot : learn new applications quickly. : Consider buying additional software to improve performance. : I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. : Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 : running smoothly. : After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will : find many valuable embedded features such as FixesBrokenThings 2.1, : Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6. : A final word of caution: : Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. : This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shut down of : the operating system. : Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 : is uninstalled. : I hope these notes have helped. : Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support : wish you the best of luck in coming years. : We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!"